Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We were destined to go to rehab together
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
