i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
