he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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