We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
