remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
