he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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