Christians are straight up FREAKS
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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