so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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