I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
