Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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