oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
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Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
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You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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