bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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