I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
