You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
