i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
