...so i touched it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
