New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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