I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
