I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
