The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
