you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
