What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
