he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
