I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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