dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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