I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
