I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
