i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
