i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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