I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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