it was like his penis was on wheels.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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