Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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