party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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