I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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