making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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