3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
