there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
