a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
