What a fucking waste of an outfit
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
