Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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