I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
