Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
