Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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