so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize