You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
