You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
