My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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