We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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