we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
