dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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