If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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