Someone shit on the floor
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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