he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
