I cannot find my penis.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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