Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
