Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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