he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
