my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
