I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
