Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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