Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
